I like bells.
When was the last time you thought about bells though, really? I mean beautiful, curved bells, with a warm, resonant tone. Or perhaps a bright, shimmering tone, depending on size and any number of bell related construction characteristics. Anyhow, I think they're beautiful. And I think it would be a wonderful thing to be a carilloner (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carillon#Carillons_worldwide).
I'm also obsessing, slightly, about recent events and boys. I'm in a very content place, and in light of recent boy related events (the end of a two year relationship, then the end of a two week relationship attempt) I want to be careful to ensure I stay content. I'm... hesitant. They do smell and mess up your grades. However, I'm also excited and possibly maybe perhaps a little bit allowing myself to be infatuated. And not wanting to go too far and restrict myself from pleasant, wonderful things by over-stressing the impact of these recent events.
At the same time though, I'm enjoying the level of freedom with which I've been pursuing my life. I want to live here this summer regardless of whether I'm living with friends, or whether or not I have a specific partner person for whom I wish to stay in town. I like the feeling of independence it gives, and will continue to give, I think. I'm in love with the idea of summer. Soon I will be in love with summer itself.
But, right now it is school (the two seasons of my life: summer and school), and I have done enough slacking in this last while for 20 strong intellectuals! I must be off.
Love (and really, I do),
Eden
Feb 28, 2007
Feb 25, 2007
Where it had grown translucent in places...
Me! Lots of me! With my hair a very interesting colour.
Sometimes I forget how big of a gap there is between my front teeth, though you can't really tell in these pictures. Anyways, the hair was supposed to be dark grey, but it turned out more silvery, goldy, whitey. The hair stylist person who did it is going to a convention this weekend, so she's going to ask around for advice and she said when she came back she would make it darker for me for free, so I may take her up on the offer. It is quite beautiful though.
Last night I went to a concert by Oliver Schroer. It was beautiful, heart-breaking, and full of grace. He plays violin, and he talked about his pilgrimage to Santiago, of which there were pictures showing on a screen in the background. It's hard to describe, but it's the sort of memory I will cherish. I thank Jaron very much for inviting me out.
I need to remember this feeling that I have had for the last day or two. The feeling like I have a thousand things about myself to discover, then a thousand things more. I don't feel like I really have time right now as school rages on (though perhaps I could make more time) but this summer I will make time to delve into it.
Love,
Eden
Sometimes I forget how big of a gap there is between my front teeth, though you can't really tell in these pictures. Anyways, the hair was supposed to be dark grey, but it turned out more silvery, goldy, whitey. The hair stylist person who did it is going to a convention this weekend, so she's going to ask around for advice and she said when she came back she would make it darker for me for free, so I may take her up on the offer. It is quite beautiful though.
Last night I went to a concert by Oliver Schroer. It was beautiful, heart-breaking, and full of grace. He plays violin, and he talked about his pilgrimage to Santiago, of which there were pictures showing on a screen in the background. It's hard to describe, but it's the sort of memory I will cherish. I thank Jaron very much for inviting me out.
I need to remember this feeling that I have had for the last day or two. The feeling like I have a thousand things about myself to discover, then a thousand things more. I don't feel like I really have time right now as school rages on (though perhaps I could make more time) but this summer I will make time to delve into it.
Love,
Eden
Feb 21, 2007
Feb 16, 2007
Shameless.
Pissed off.
That's right. Pissed off.
I'm not pissed off for any reason, really. Just revelling in it, because I feel it rarely. Normally I am more annoyed than pissed off. More frustrated.
I feel, sometimes, a huge weight on me. The weight is my gender. Bizarre, isn't it? Normally I walk about blissfully unawares of the patriarchy the bellows alongside me. Sometimes I even question the extent of its existence (or perhaps ponder the presence of the matriarchy alongside it). But right now its growling and smoking and I can smell it.
I have a urinary tract infection. When stuff goes in my vagina, bacteria goes with it. I am not dirty. I am not unhygienic. I have a urethra, and it is short. And because of this I have to pay for any little lovely act I might like to commit (or that others might like me to commit).
I know this has nothing to do with patriarchy. Not in a learned/nurture sense. My urethra is not short and susceptible to infection because our society is male dominated. In fact, our society is probably male dominated in part because women's urethrae are shorter.
I hate that I'm expected to be on the pill. I hate that my friend's boyfriend is allowed to slap her ass. I hate that so many of my friends have been raped. I hate how men make the products that I use to sop up my menses. And write "Have a happy period" on them.
And I hate that when people read this they will think "Stupid over-exaggerating feminist."
That's right. Pissed off.
I'm not pissed off for any reason, really. Just revelling in it, because I feel it rarely. Normally I am more annoyed than pissed off. More frustrated.
I feel, sometimes, a huge weight on me. The weight is my gender. Bizarre, isn't it? Normally I walk about blissfully unawares of the patriarchy the bellows alongside me. Sometimes I even question the extent of its existence (or perhaps ponder the presence of the matriarchy alongside it). But right now its growling and smoking and I can smell it.
I have a urinary tract infection. When stuff goes in my vagina, bacteria goes with it. I am not dirty. I am not unhygienic. I have a urethra, and it is short. And because of this I have to pay for any little lovely act I might like to commit (or that others might like me to commit).
I know this has nothing to do with patriarchy. Not in a learned/nurture sense. My urethra is not short and susceptible to infection because our society is male dominated. In fact, our society is probably male dominated in part because women's urethrae are shorter.
I hate that I'm expected to be on the pill. I hate that my friend's boyfriend is allowed to slap her ass. I hate that so many of my friends have been raped. I hate how men make the products that I use to sop up my menses. And write "Have a happy period" on them.
And I hate that when people read this they will think "Stupid over-exaggerating feminist."
Feb 15, 2007
The Secret Birdsong Morning Club
Hey!
www.myspace.com/ipushyoupull
Here is the fully recorded version. I'd like to make changes in the future, maybe, some day. A cymbal roll would be nice. And better balance between the voices (or maybe different voices?).
It also bothers me that it's slow. No, that's wrong. It bothers me that my first properly recorded song is a slow, dramatic song. But hey.
I'm also conflicted right now, but I don't really want to explain it to the internet. Maybe I should paint a big painting. Big paintings release angst, do they not? I don't feel like I can breath... though that might actually have something to do with my physical state of viral throat infection and sad lungs. Oh my sad lungs, oh.
Okay, I have to go work things. That's right. Work things.
Love.
www.myspace.com/ipushyoupull
Here is the fully recorded version. I'd like to make changes in the future, maybe, some day. A cymbal roll would be nice. And better balance between the voices (or maybe different voices?).
It also bothers me that it's slow. No, that's wrong. It bothers me that my first properly recorded song is a slow, dramatic song. But hey.
I'm also conflicted right now, but I don't really want to explain it to the internet. Maybe I should paint a big painting. Big paintings release angst, do they not? I don't feel like I can breath... though that might actually have something to do with my physical state of viral throat infection and sad lungs. Oh my sad lungs, oh.
Okay, I have to go work things. That's right. Work things.
Love.
Feb 9, 2007
Shameless!
Check it out!
http://web.uvic.ca/~eoliver
Before I started this assignment I didn't know how to save files as .html, how to use (aka copy and paste) javascript, or what an ftp server was. That's how much I rock (and how much my various friends who I've asked for help rock).
Yeah, that's it. I just rock.
Love,
Eden
http://web.uvic.ca/~eoliver
Before I started this assignment I didn't know how to save files as .html, how to use (aka copy and paste) javascript, or what an ftp server was. That's how much I rock (and how much my various friends who I've asked for help rock).
Yeah, that's it. I just rock.
Love,
Eden
Feb 4, 2007
Hey! This is my life!
My friend Andrew asked me yesterday (at 2 in the morning when walking back from a friend's); "Why are you in such a rush to get out of here?"
Here being UVic.
I think this is a bit of misunderstanding to start with. I'm taking so many required classes that I'm always rushed, etc, so it seems like I'm in a hurry to get my degree done (when in reality it's a 5 year program).
But he's right, too. There's nothing stopping me from taking a year off, or taking an extra year to lighten my courseload and take a few classes I'm interested in.
That's right. There's nothing stopping me. This is my life!
It was (and is) a huge realization for me. It was definately a "what the hell am I doing?!" moment. I realized that I'm largly moving through my life in the path set out for me by my parents, and awesome as that path may be or not, it's not mine. Though I might run into opposition on the more patriarchal side of my family if I took hold of my own life more, it's something that should be considered and dealt with AFTER making my decisions for myself.
I know this sounds like a corny self confidence speech, but it's important. It's something that's been bubbling under the surface of my subconcious for a while now. Ever since my ex-person became an ex-person I've been slowly coming to the realizations that:
1) I run my life.
2) I rock.
3) I have unlimited potential to rock more.
4) I want to rock more.
So yes, I'm going to do that. Rock more that is. First, I have to get my homework done, because good marks aid in my plans (as well as the knowledge I'll get from doing my homework).
LOVE!
~Eden
Here being UVic.
I think this is a bit of misunderstanding to start with. I'm taking so many required classes that I'm always rushed, etc, so it seems like I'm in a hurry to get my degree done (when in reality it's a 5 year program).
But he's right, too. There's nothing stopping me from taking a year off, or taking an extra year to lighten my courseload and take a few classes I'm interested in.
That's right. There's nothing stopping me. This is my life!
It was (and is) a huge realization for me. It was definately a "what the hell am I doing?!" moment. I realized that I'm largly moving through my life in the path set out for me by my parents, and awesome as that path may be or not, it's not mine. Though I might run into opposition on the more patriarchal side of my family if I took hold of my own life more, it's something that should be considered and dealt with AFTER making my decisions for myself.
I know this sounds like a corny self confidence speech, but it's important. It's something that's been bubbling under the surface of my subconcious for a while now. Ever since my ex-person became an ex-person I've been slowly coming to the realizations that:
1) I run my life.
2) I rock.
3) I have unlimited potential to rock more.
4) I want to rock more.
So yes, I'm going to do that. Rock more that is. First, I have to get my homework done, because good marks aid in my plans (as well as the knowledge I'll get from doing my homework).
LOVE!
~Eden
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