Religious Text

I realized recently that I've been spending a lot of time talking about boys, crushes, etc., with my flatmates (mostly Andrew and Alia... Al has yet to get to "girl talk" stage with me). I told this to Andrew after a long conversation about my frustrations and he mentioned that most people *do* think about/talk about these sorts of issues a lot, it's just that I haven't been single for quite a while. I guess it is true, and as long as I am causing no harm or annoyance I suppose it's allowed.

I was reading over my recent blog entry and noticed the comment about not liking the connotations of the label "single." I realized this in full this weekend. My primary group of friends (other than my flatmates and my school-going acquaintances) is a group of guys, most of whom live together. Although all of the boys in the house right now are single, I feel safe with every one of them. It feels as if everyone (excepting of course my ex-person) has a dual way of thinking of me; I am at once "one of the guys" whilst also being a girl and ultimately available.

Then a friend from Toronto moved in to live with them, and suddenly I realized what it is like to not be considered "one of the guys" (side note, if said boy is reading this blog, please do come and talk to me instead of only gleaning what you can from this). It's odd, and there are very few ways in which I can prove or explain how I feel his perception of me is different from everyone else's, but it borders on me feeling objectified.

Which is a pity, really, because he seems like an awesome person. He's just an awesome person I've only known for three days who has come in and confused a social situation in which I was momentarily taking solace after the end of a long-term relationship.

You can see how I would be conflicted about the idea. And how it would make me sad that I am possibly pushing away a good opportunity because I am still unsure of my conception of self and my emotions.

And now for some lyrics I wrote recently that have nothing to do with the above situation (honestly):

And the pale light of the morning morning
offers no conception of what's perceived.
So I set aside the paper, touched, tainted with your love.
And it lets me breath.

I like it... but it's more effective in context.

~Eden